Not L’Eggs-actly

On Easter morning, the priest used an egg to illustrate the children’s sermon.

“What’s in here?” he asked, pointing at the egg.

“I know!” a boy exclaimed. “Panty hose

Kids’ Lessons for Living

“Don’t ever be too full for dessert.” Kelly, 10

“Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.” Phillip, 13

“Forget the cake, go for the icing.” Cynthia, 8

“Remember the two places you are always welcome — church and Grandma’s house.”
Joanne, 11

Problems with the plural

I asked my third graders: “What is the plural of man?” They quickly replied, “Men.” I then asked, “What is the plural of child?” One girl quickly raised her hand and blurted out, “Twins!”

THE FISHERMAN AND THE INVESTMENT BANKER

An investment banker was vacationing in a quaint coastal town when he decided to take a walk down by the pier. As he was walking along, a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Though a tiny craft, he could see several large yellow fin tuna inside the boat. Impressed, the banker approached and complimented the fisherman on the quality of his catch, asking how long it took to get them.

“Only a little while,” the fisherman replied cheerfully.

“Then why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” the banker asked in surprise. The fisherman smiled and said he had caught enough to support his family’s immediate needs, so he was able to head back home.

“But what do you do with the rest of your time?” the banker wondered.

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and spend time with my wife. Each evening I stroll into town, where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life,” the fisherman explained.

The banker scoffed and shook his head. “I have a master’s degree in business and I could help you make a lot more money,” he said. “You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats and eventually you’ll have an entire fishing fleet. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution.

You’d get to leave this small coastal fishing town and move to bigger cities, where you could run your expanding enterprise.”

The fisherman thought for a moment, then asked, “How long will this all take?”

“About 15 to 20 years,” the banker replied.

“And then what?” The banker laughed and grinned.

“That’s the best part! When the time is right you would go public and sell your company stock, becoming very rich. You would make millions!”

“Millions,” mused the fisherman. “And then what?”

“Then you would retire,” the banker concluded, “move to a small coastal fishing town where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your children, spend time with your wife, and stroll into town each evening and sip wine while you play guitar with your friends.”

Little Jonnie was coming home from church one Saturday morning with his mother. His mother noticed he had a very serious look on his face.

“What’s on your mind, Jonnie?” she asked.

“Is it true what Father said about us all coming from dust and all turning back to dust?”

“Yes, it is, Jonnie,” she said. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, then when we get home,” he answered, “you better look under my bed, because someone’s either comin’ or goin’.”